For me becoming blind is an inevitability that I can’t just brush off..

As you may know I have MS and have had a few bouts of optic neuritis

While optic neuritis doesn’t last forever and your vision usually returns, it does take away a little bit of it when it leaves

I’ve recently been diagnosed with something called Macular Telangiectasia (Mactel type 2). It’s a rare eye disease that affects the blood vessels and your central vision.

Upon hearing this diagnosis, I was speechless

Which doesn’t happen often

But I sat there, wavering between some weird surreal reality where suddenly everything felt too real

The ophthalmologist asked if I had any questions and my mind went blank

I think I asked how this happened or something

I don’t really remember

I just remember thinking

How can this much be wrong with me?

If someone else was telling me this I would think they were surely making it up

Some type of hypochondriac or something

But it wasn’t someone else

It was me

And I wasn’t making it up

Or imagining it

This was one more thing to add to my health file

And it brought me just that much closer to the possibility of becoming (legally) blind

I’m sitting here typing this into my phone with its enlarged font and darkened screen

Thinking about all the what if’s

It’s a rabbit hole I can’t afford to go down

Again

So for now

I’ll leave it open ended

A possibility

A very real

Tangible

Possibility

And I’ll have to find a way to become okay with that

Too….